“Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33…Today’s blog entry is part two of the Preparing For Marriage series.
When preparing for marriage, it’s very important that a person uses the Bible as the guide for what they should be looking for in a spouse. Before beginning the courtship process with anyone, a person should spend time in prayer, and be led by God. The Word of God gives a lot of instruction about the role of a man, and the role of a woman. This blog entry contains excerpts from two of my previous blog entries’ (The Role of The Man – May 31, 2011, and The Role of The Woman - June 7, 2011). If you would like to read those blog entries in their entirety, feel free to search them out as they are both archived.
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14
A born again Christian should not begin a courtship with a person that is not saved. Don’t let a person’s looks cloud your judgment. Don’t allow the fact that they are “so nice” cause you to overlook that fact that they are not living for Christ. Sometimes a Christian may have thoughts such as “well maybe I can lead this person to Christ during the courtship.” This can lead to big problems. What can happen is that sometimes the unbeliever pulls the Christian further away from God, instead of the Christian leading the person to Christ. You can witness to the person, but don’t court/marry someone that is not saved. It’s also important to realize that just because two people are saved, and there’s a mutual attraction, doesn’t automatically mean that the two people should get married. For example, there may be one person that has been saved for a while and hasn’t been in many relationships, while the other person is a new Christian that has been in a series of hurtful relationships, and needs to grow in their relationship with Christ before beginning a courtship with someone.
A person should also look at another person’s habits/patterns when considering marrying them. For instance, say you’re a person that goes to church on a regular basis, and likes to get very involved, yet the person you’re considering marrying (who is also saved) goes to church once or twice a month and really doesn’t want to get involved in church beyond what they are currently doing. This could be a potential red flag. Or on a different tip, let’s say you’re a person that is very neat, and keeps their home very clean, while the other person isn’t so neat, and tends to have a messy place. This could lead to some issues in a marriage. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that people can grow, and that it’s important for Husbands and Wives to make sacrifices for each other. But I do think it’s important for couples considering marriage to address issues such as these prior to getting married. It’s good to be proactive.
The following talks about some characteristics that are Man/Woman specific. When a person is considering marrying someone, they should keep the things mentioned in this next section in mind (In other words if you’re a woman, does the man you’re considering marrying exemplify these characteristics, and if you’re a man does the woman you’re considering marrying exemplify these characteristics):
Within a marriage, a man should be the spiritual leader. Ephesians 5:25 says “Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” A husband should be the provider/protector for his wife, he should also help his wife grow in her relationship with Christ. A husband should speak positive words to his wife, and realize the things he says (and the way he says those things) have an impact on her. If a husband notices that his wife is doing something contrary to scripture, he should correct her in a loving way, and likewise if his wife notices that he is doing something contrary to scripture and brings correction, he should receive the correction (without getting an attitude). A husband should always be building up his wife, never tearing her down.
“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.” - Genesis 2:18
The verb form of the word “help” can be defined as aiding or supplying someone in need (the word help is not meant to be degrading). The word “meet” comes from the Hebrew word meaning opposite. So in essence, a wife should help/complement her husband. A wife should be submitted to her husband. “Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”- Ephesians 5:22. A wife should love and support her husband acknowledging that He is the leader of the household. She should also be focusing on developing her inner qualities as it relates to growing in the Lord. A woman should never be so focused on beautifying her outward appearance to the point where it causes her to neglect her inward growth as a woman pursing God (See 1 Peter 3:3-4, This passage serves as a caution letting us know that the priority should be on the inward things.)
As we continue in our walk with Christ, let us strive to continue to grow. If you are in the process of preparing for marriage, be sure that you continue to work on maturing, and becoming the best spouse you can be. Also, be sure that you are being led by God before you begin a courtship with someone.
“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” – Ephesians 5:28
“Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”-Proverbs 31:10-12.
When preparing for marriage, it’s very important that a person uses the Bible as the guide for what they should be looking for in a spouse. Before beginning the courtship process with anyone, a person should spend time in prayer, and be led by God. The Word of God gives a lot of instruction about the role of a man, and the role of a woman. This blog entry contains excerpts from two of my previous blog entries’ (The Role of The Man – May 31, 2011, and The Role of The Woman - June 7, 2011). If you would like to read those blog entries in their entirety, feel free to search them out as they are both archived.
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” – 2 Corinthians 6:14
A born again Christian should not begin a courtship with a person that is not saved. Don’t let a person’s looks cloud your judgment. Don’t allow the fact that they are “so nice” cause you to overlook that fact that they are not living for Christ. Sometimes a Christian may have thoughts such as “well maybe I can lead this person to Christ during the courtship.” This can lead to big problems. What can happen is that sometimes the unbeliever pulls the Christian further away from God, instead of the Christian leading the person to Christ. You can witness to the person, but don’t court/marry someone that is not saved. It’s also important to realize that just because two people are saved, and there’s a mutual attraction, doesn’t automatically mean that the two people should get married. For example, there may be one person that has been saved for a while and hasn’t been in many relationships, while the other person is a new Christian that has been in a series of hurtful relationships, and needs to grow in their relationship with Christ before beginning a courtship with someone.
A person should also look at another person’s habits/patterns when considering marrying them. For instance, say you’re a person that goes to church on a regular basis, and likes to get very involved, yet the person you’re considering marrying (who is also saved) goes to church once or twice a month and really doesn’t want to get involved in church beyond what they are currently doing. This could be a potential red flag. Or on a different tip, let’s say you’re a person that is very neat, and keeps their home very clean, while the other person isn’t so neat, and tends to have a messy place. This could lead to some issues in a marriage. Now don’t get me wrong, I understand that people can grow, and that it’s important for Husbands and Wives to make sacrifices for each other. But I do think it’s important for couples considering marriage to address issues such as these prior to getting married. It’s good to be proactive.
The following talks about some characteristics that are Man/Woman specific. When a person is considering marrying someone, they should keep the things mentioned in this next section in mind (In other words if you’re a woman, does the man you’re considering marrying exemplify these characteristics, and if you’re a man does the woman you’re considering marrying exemplify these characteristics):
Within a marriage, a man should be the spiritual leader. Ephesians 5:25 says “Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” A husband should be the provider/protector for his wife, he should also help his wife grow in her relationship with Christ. A husband should speak positive words to his wife, and realize the things he says (and the way he says those things) have an impact on her. If a husband notices that his wife is doing something contrary to scripture, he should correct her in a loving way, and likewise if his wife notices that he is doing something contrary to scripture and brings correction, he should receive the correction (without getting an attitude). A husband should always be building up his wife, never tearing her down.
“And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him.” - Genesis 2:18
The verb form of the word “help” can be defined as aiding or supplying someone in need (the word help is not meant to be degrading). The word “meet” comes from the Hebrew word meaning opposite. So in essence, a wife should help/complement her husband. A wife should be submitted to her husband. “Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”- Ephesians 5:22. A wife should love and support her husband acknowledging that He is the leader of the household. She should also be focusing on developing her inner qualities as it relates to growing in the Lord. A woman should never be so focused on beautifying her outward appearance to the point where it causes her to neglect her inward growth as a woman pursing God (See 1 Peter 3:3-4, This passage serves as a caution letting us know that the priority should be on the inward things.)
As we continue in our walk with Christ, let us strive to continue to grow. If you are in the process of preparing for marriage, be sure that you continue to work on maturing, and becoming the best spouse you can be. Also, be sure that you are being led by God before you begin a courtship with someone.
“So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” – Ephesians 5:28
“Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”-Proverbs 31:10-12.